Psalm 77

In My Day of Trouble I Seek the Lord

I'm really struggling today.

PT is getting me down. I'm so frustrated by the slow progress, the setbacks, the pain, and the new and exciting discoveries about things that are physically wrong with me. As humorous as it can be, I'm sort of tired of being the teaching model at the trainer's room. The interns get to learn just about everything that can go wrong in a swimmer by observing just me. They get to practice knees exams, shoulder exams, post surgery exercises, nerve glides, electric stim, search and destroy, trigger point release... Really I suppose it's going well. I'm still progressing toward swimming (something I have very mixed feelings about).

Yesterday I finally bothered to tell my trainer how much my knees have been hurting lately. They've been hurting since I started swimming breaststroke a lot - five years ago. But my shoulders were always worse, so I figured I should pick one injury and stick with it. I couldn't tell coach that both my shoulders and my knees hurt because then I'm saying I can't pull or kick. And that just wouldn't go over well, even though that's the case. The intern did a knee exam and found that my IT band (running along the outside of the leg) is incredibly tight and is pulling my kneecap the wrong way. Hence every time I take a step I get shooting pain down the inside of my knees. Its tight because I swim breaststroke and ride horses - two activities that put a very abnormal pressure on the outside of the leg and develop the muscles/tendons/ligaments on the outside of the leg unequally from the inside of the leg. Its not a really big deal. I just have to do more stretches and more exercises. But its just one more thing. More doctor's appointments, more PT, more pain, more limitations. Another thing that I can fight, but really will be making worse the next two years.

My shoulders have generally been moving forward well, but recently I've had a trigger point in a very painful place on my upper/lateral scapula that has been causing intense pain down my right arm when I do some of my exercises. So I can't do the exercises. My PT rubs and pushes on the trigger point trying to get it to release. It hurts so bad the pain disperses and gives me a migraine-like headache.


Psalms is the most amazing book when I'm struggling with feeling hopeless or beat down. I think thats what I feel mostly - just beat down into the dirt and I kinda want to stay there and not even try to get up anymore. God always brings me back around.

Psalm 77 reminds me who my God is.

I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
2In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
3When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints.
Selah

4You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
6I said,"Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart."
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
7"Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
8Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
9Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"
Selah

10Then I said, "I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High."

11I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
14You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
15You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah


16When the waters saw you, O God,
when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
indeed, the deep trembled.
17The clouds poured out water;
the skies gave forth thunder;
your arrows flashed on every side.
18The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
your lightnings lighted up the world;
the earth trembled and shook.
19Your way was through the sea,
your path through the great waters;
yet your footprints were unseen.
20You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

God never forsakes His children. Look at history. He leads them by the hand - through famine, drought, war, pain, humiliation, persecution, death. He is there. He is God - unchanging. Verse 7-8 say "Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time?" Isn't this what I'm asking in my heart when I complain about my pain?!? I am somehow questioning God's goodness toward me. I am doubting His plan and his promises to have good in store for me, a hope and a future.

This is also when I want someone with me, to curl up in their arms and be comforted. But how much greater is God than anyone else I could possibly turn to?!

I repent of my of my doubt! I want to love God and trust Him wholly. He knows what I am going through! He is there for me to grab on to He will not put any trial before me that I cannot withstand.

I am floored by His love and mercy - even just in providing His comforting Word to me!!