Moses, Me, & God's Will

Moses said to the LORD, "See, you say to me, 'Bring up this people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, 'I know you by name, and you have also found favor in my sight.' Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people."

And God said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Exodus 33:12-14

I always want to know what God has planned for me. I have no doubt that he has a plan for my life; he has a plan for my future, my career, my husband, my family, and all the personal decisions I will make. But I don't act like I trust him; I want to know what- exactly- the plan is. Then I'll be content and make sure that I walk in that plan. Like Moses, my desire is to walk in God's will, if only I knew what that was. Moses asks "Lord, who are you sending to help me? Let me know so that I can move forward trusting in your plan. Show me your ways." God replies, but he doesn't answer what Moses actually asked. He doesn't give Moses the specifics he wanted. He just says "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

God's presence is all I need. I don't need to know what, where, who, when, why, or how.
I need to now HIM and he will give my heart peace.

Knowing God's Will by M. Blaine Smith says that God illuminates the path only where our feet are currently moving. He lets us know what we need to know in order to glorify Him in our current situation. He does not shine a searchlight up ahead of us. If we saw everything that was ahead we would have no need for faith. The key to faith and trust in God's will as well as faith in God at all, is that we cannot see it. Romans 8:24 points out: "But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?" There would be no need for faith if God laid out before me the blueprint of my life.

Smith also remarks that if we knew our futures, which is essentially what we want to know when we question God's will, we would probably be reluctant to move forward. If God shone that searchlight way ahead on the path to reveal struggle, temptation, and rejection (as much of a Christian life can involve), we would be paralyzed by fear. God allows us to know what we need to know. He shines a light at our feet so we can see where we are stepping, but not where we are going. But as long as that light is on our feet we are in his will, and his is guiding us where we ought to be going.

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Something that has been bothering me lately (most of my life, really, but only recently in a Godly context) is my sense that I have no roots. I have moved around my entire life. This summer will mark my 7th state, my 9th house, and my 9th school. I have never known anyone for more than a handful of years. I don't consider any location "home." That is a foreign concept I have always envied of people who "grew up" somewhere. This summer I will officially be living on my own. My family is moving to southern Virginia, and I feel no calling to go with them. Nor do I feel especially tied to Maryland, though I love my church, it is not really home. I feel little nostalgia for the area, in fact, I find many things about the lifestyle there (DC traffic, crime, gangs, congestion) rather grotesque. So I believe I will be living in Delaware. Then what? I want to settle down so badly. To just finally stop moving and to .... Know my future! I feel like if I just stop moving, other things will become clear as well. I will at the very least be able to predict where I will live in one year. I cannot say so much right now.

At my Bible study today the leader pointed out something I had never considered. I always thought of this rootlessness as a curse of sorts. He put just the opposite spin on it, saying that without a deep emotional involvement in one location, I would be able to respond easily to God's call to move to do his will if he should call me. He said, if suddenly God calls you to Nigeria for missions - well, what would be stopping you? Who better to pick up and move than someone who would have to shed very little to up and go? I don't know what God has for my future, but that was certainly a perspective I liked better than seeing it as a curse. God IS preparing me for something. Maybe it is so that I will revel in and relish the feeling of finally settling. He could be giving me a heart to sink my roots into a local church when I find the right one. Maybe one day he will call me to missions, or to move, to spread his word and serve others and I will be able to go without hesitation.

But I think I need to reflect on the "light on my feet." How can I serve God now? How can I be living every moment to the fullest extent in service and worship of God? The future is in God's hands. As my pastor says, "If you worry - you die. And if you don't worry - you die. So why worry?"