Do Not Worry

This afternoon at physical therapy I suddenly had an enormous sense of despair. I was doing one of my regular exercises and thinking about how weak I still am from my surgery on my left shoulder in October (I can still only lift about four pounds), and I realized, in what seemed like a very profound way, that I will soon be starting all over with my right shoulder, which had the same surgery three weeks ago. All the hours and hours in PT, and more importantly all the pain and frustration, will start over from the beginning regardless of the fact that I just did it. It was so distressing to think of all the work and the teeth-gritting of the last three and a half months and realize that it doesn't mean a single thing to my right shoulder. I will be back at ground zero. And have to go through it all. again.

I stood there for a minute staring into space, thinking of doing mobes again (ranked #2 on my list of the most painful experiences I've had in my life) when I told myself to let it go and just focus on the exercise at hand.

Now, that seems like very obvious advice. Because it is. It is something God wants me to do.

Mark 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Amen!

Each day does have enough worries of its own. Each two hour PT session has enough worries of its own. Each exercise has enough worries of its own! And dwelling on the events down the road, whether hypothetically good ones or challenging ones (in reality I think we rarely get one without the other), does not make the task at hand any easier. In fact, as I experienced, it makes it far harder.

Before that verse, Mark says " So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

What am I so worried about? That I will be upset with how much time I have to spend at PT? That I will be in pain? I know that God will provide for me, no matter what my circumstance. Mark says not to worry about what we will eat or what we will drink. God, he says, takes care of even the grass in the field - how would he not take care of us?! God will provide grace sufficient for me to battle frustration and self-pity. He will give me strength to bear with the pain and humility to bear with my weakness.

Knowing that, how can I worry about tomorrow? Worrying creates an anxious heart - a heart that doesn't trust in God. "But first seek his kingdom and his righteousness." Now that is something I should put my energy into. My heart will find rest in God and let go of all anxiousness. I need to think, how can I glorify God in this situation? I should not be living in my future trials, but be glorifying God in my immediate circumstance - in every circumstance.

Psalm 55
Cast Your Burden on the Lord

1Give ear to my prayer, O God,
and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
2Attend to me, and answer me;
I am restless in my complaint and I moan,
3because of the noise of the enemy,
because of the oppression of the wicked.
For they drop trouble upon me,
and in anger they bear a grudge against me.

4My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
6And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
7yes, I would wander far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;
Selah

8I would hurry to find a shelter
from the raging wind and tempest."

9Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues;
for I see violence and strife in the city.
10Day and night they go around it
on its walls,
and iniquity and trouble are within it;
11ruin is in its midst;
oppression and fraud
do not depart from its marketplace.

12For it is not an enemy who taunts me--
then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me--
then I could hide from him.
13But it is you, a man, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend.
14We used to take sweet counsel together;
within God's house we walked in the throng.
15Let death steal over them;
let them go down to Sheol alive;
for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart.

16But I call to God,
and the LORD will save me.
17Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.
18He redeems my soul in safety
from the battle that I wage,
for many are arrayed against me.
19God will give ear and humble them,
he who is enthroned from of old,
Selah

because they do not change
and do not fear God.

20My companion stretched out his hand against his friends;
he violated his covenant.
21His speech was smooth as butter,
yet war was in his heart;
his words were softer than oil,
yet they were drawn swords.

22Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.

23But you, O God, will cast them down
into the pit of destruction;
men of blood and treachery
shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.